Walking away, I heard her talk to herself as in the old days, like she used to do when we first met in the high support hostel. At that time, Marina was alone in the world and her conversations were always with herself. As our friendship grew, Marina’s conversations with herself lessened and before Corona lockdown, they had all but stopped.
Today, they were back in full flow and for a moment my heart sank, but as I stood a while and listened, I was greatly relieved, Marina’s conversation was not sad and dreary, she was joyfully reminding herself of our rendezvous. She was smiling as she spoke aloud our love in action, she was full of joy.
Marina was avoided and rejected most of her life, labelled that weird strange lady who talked to herself. Oftentimes laughed at, ridiculed, cruelly isolated. Consequently, her ‘self chats’ became her haven and heaven, protection against a cold unwelcome world, her way of self-soothing.
Today her ‘self chat’ sounded warm, cozy, reassuring and joyful. That which came into Marina’s life because of pain is now her reward, Marina is self sufficient. Her great shame has become her crowning glory.
Thankyou beautiful Marina, you enrich my life. Because of you I know who God is.
‘Only the heart knows how to find what is precious’. (Fyodor Dostoyevsky)
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